Bad Dogs of the Pacific Rim

Bad Dogs of the Pacific basin

Ch. 1  To Start a Fire

In the famous Jack London tale a sled driver freezes to death after his sled dogs lead him into a patch of thin ice.  Less well known is the fact that this was a common occurrence in Alaska during the gold rush days.  The lead dogs knew where the ice was treacherous and the ability to swerve the sleigh.  How could these dogs not resent being tethered and made to run all day on a bowl of kibbles.  After each revolt the huskies freed themselves and began to thrive with a healthy diet of mice, fish, and caribou.

Ch. 2 The Chinese Imperial Palace and the nip of Emasculation

 Pugs were first bred in the palace of Emperor Chow Down in 1787.  For many years these dogs were only found in that royal complex.  The pugs craved mountain oysters and in the palace they found the many courtiers to be an easy target.  Working in packs of five they set upon their sleeping victims.  All the courtiers eventually became the eunuchs for which the palace is famous.  In fact the end of the dynastic line in 1911 resulted from a guard carelessly leaving ajar the door to the imperial bed chambers.

Ch. 3 The True Story of the Boxer Rebellion

In the years before  the Boxer rebellion in 1898 the British used boxers from Queen Victoria’s puppy mill to quell the Chinese population while they robbed the resources of the nation.  Boxers were already an angry breed because their natural snout had been bred out of them.  At the ends of leashes held by British soldiers they were fearsome and dangerous.  Eventually the Chinese figured out that by using fishing nets while they rushed guards en masse' the boxers could be overcome.  The British without their boxers soon found the country impossible to govern and  were forced to leave the country.

Ch. 4 Lassie go Home

  

It’s a misconception that the common name of the bird Raphus cucullatus referred to the bird’s intelligence.  The truth of the name “Dodo” bird was that within this octave these birds had the most beautiful and varied songs in all of nature.  This is known from Captain Cook’s own diary.  Alas, we’ll never hear their beautiful songs.  Cook sailed with his beloved Collies, Lad and Lassie.  These two whelped their way across the Pacific and Cook and with no way to feed the many puppies, left the litters on the islands he had explored.  We are not sure what became of the collies after they devoured the entire Raphus genus.  Some believe they in turn became the fare of the native islanders whose ritual garments are made of Collie fur and dodo feathers.

Ch. 5 The Mongrel Invasion and the Shreds of the Silk Road

 Kublai Cur was said the be a pitbull as tall as a Great Dane and as massive as a St. Bernard.  He was the leader of the greatest pack of dogs ever assembled.  These dogs were, aside from Kublai Cur, ordinary mongrels, but the devastation they unleashed was of historic importance.  Hardly a morsel was left of the Silk Road and after the devastation, trade and communication between Europe and the East was crippled for 300 years until the 16^th Century when Portuguese navigators and larger sailing vessels were able to bring pepper to European tables.  Fear of the dogs possible return mandated maritime transport and halted road building until he invention of asphalt and concrete paving.

Ch. 6 The Chihuahuas of Chihuahua 

 At the turn of the 20^th Century the Olympic games were reinstated in the modern world.  At that time it was assumed by all track and field experts that the distance races and marathons would be dominated by the Tarahumara Indians of Mexico who would have left the Kenyans and the Ethiopians in their dust.  They could and often did sprint out of Copper Canyon and run all the way to Chihuahua in a single day….150 miles.  It was Pancho Villa himself who unwittingly kept the Tarahumara Indians from Olympic fame and glory.  He did this by promoting the breeding of Chihuahuas as loyal pets.  Indeed what breed is more protective and territorial than the Chihuahua?

I myself have been bitten by a single Chihuahua, circling and striking with phenomenal quickness.  If one single Chihuahua could bite my ankle, imagine what five or six working together could do.  Nor do they bite at random, but rather they target the Achilles tendon,   Starting in 1910 Indian runners began to beset by Chihuahua packs as soon as they emerged from the canyon.  Many of the best runners were injured, some never walked again.  Tarahumara Indians no longer run through the Chihuahuan desert, We do not hear of their Olympic victories, all done in by the canine namesake of their own native land.

Ch. 7 Ruling Dogs

 China is the only nation ever to have been governed by animals. Their very first ruler was the Dragon King.  Centuries later came the Chow Dynasty.  According to my “World Book” The dynasty began in 1027 BC and the rulers were “unschooled and primitive”.  What it doesn’t say is that the rulers were actual Chows.  Chinese peasant farmers were forced to produce park and poultry and rice production fell.  A second historical error I discovered in my research was that the Great Wall of China was actually built by the Mongolians in order to keep the dogs out of their land.  The end of the Chow Dynasty came in 256 BC shortly after the invention of muzzles, collars and the earliest smelted iron which was fabricated into chains and posts.